A Gay Old Weekend

This weekend is the Twin Cities Gay Pride Parade and Festival in Minneapolis. Minnesota Atheists will be marching and have a booth present, right next to church booths and religious groups. There are rarely any fights, and reactions are usually positive. There have been some comments which people have found offense to the booth, because "God made me gay" almost as an excuse for the discrimination they face, like it's not my fault, or the fault of society for how I'm treated, it's God's will. That's a little strange, but I've met gay people in all sorts of states regarding coming to terms with their gayness. Anyway, Jeannette and I will be marching in the parade to show our support for a group of people who have seen rates of discrimination against them rise by 135% over a year ago.

To honor Gay Pride, Minnesota Atheists are featuring on their radio show Wayne Besen of Truth Wins Out discusses “Exposing ‘Ex-gay’ Ministries” and Jane Bowman of Project 515 discusses “515 Minnesota Laws that Discriminate Against Gays.”

Wedding Do's and Don't - Why people go overboard

I have MSN Messenger on my workstation at work. It pops up with MSN Live! Today! or whatever marketing phrase they are calling it now a days, which includes tiny helpful elements, like number of emails, or the weather, large spaces for ads, and articles with popular entertainment news. Much of the "news" lately has been about weddings. Due to a sudden lack of crises at work, I clicked a link on wedding dos and don'ts.

It's written as a casual conversation between a handful of women. It's probably a raw transcript. The message of the article is to encourage simple weddings. Weddings today are massive affairs.

From the article:

"It is the biggest throwaway and means nothing later. It's the biggest waste of money and effort that I've ever heard of. It's like a big party where you just blow everything out; you have nothing left. It's got to cost $30,000."

So, what happens when couples and families spend this much money? A few things happen. I have seen couples go into $20,000 of debt right after a marriage. The husband felt that he should show his love for his wife through the wedding ring and engagement ring, which he spent $15,000 on. Why? It's what is expected. A diamond ring is a must, and it must be large. That is the message of the "Louder Yes!" campaign by Wedding Day Jewelers. A simple "yes" just isn't enough. You must provide, "pure, unadulterated elation." Of course, this elation won't come cheap. Now, you can spin this into buying a creative ring, but what companies like wedding Day Jewelers are looking for is financing opportunities. They want to fit you into a "manageable payment plan." All of this for some ring which is probably be lost, stolen, sold for much less, or damaged. Don't forget the ring insurance! No one should suffer economically for some piece of jewelery.

So, that's the guy's way of starting this mess. The woman takes over next, with her family, of course. Jeannette and I have argued over what should be done for a wedding, and the largest sticking point we've had has been over prices for things. From the previous article,

"But when it came time to actually get married, something from all those little fairytale books that she read when she was little came through. I think you carry that stuff in a backpack in your head. And she just wanted the glamour and the huge ... the romance of the whole vision. And we did. She had the biggest dress with the longest train and the most people."

All of the bridal magazines, wedding fairs, TV, and the rest of society with a fixation of materialism feed a many billion dollar industry which thrives on that "backpack in your head" of what it is like to get married, of what is expected. This is one expensive backpack. Only certain families can afford to throw this extravagant wedding people seem to be born with the idea of having. It's unrealistic and damaging. So, you buy the wedding dress, which won't be worn again, bridesmaid's dresses, which won't be worn again, accessories for your dress, and you're out a few thousand dollars for clothes which could be thrown away the next day. It's a waste, unless you can donate your clothes to people who can't afford what you've already bought.

Flowers can cost a few thousand dollars, the photographer can cost a few thousand dollars, transportation for guests can cost a few thousand dollars, tuxedo rental can cost a few thousand dollars, and facility rentals for ceremonies and receptions can cost a few thousand dollars. So, you're out $10,000, even before you pay for entertainment and food for your reception. Let's say you have 200 people at your wedding. An average cost of a meal is $18-$20. If you are providing drinks, you need to add another $10 on average per person. So, your food, including renting dishes, napkins, and other silly things which all have a line item, is $4,000-$6,000. And, that's if you do things cheaply. That can easily get to $10,000. A DJ or music can cost $1,000 to $2,000. Your total can easily get to $20,000 to $30,000, just for things which are expected.

What is the side effect of a $30,000 wedding? Immediate families, by tradition only the bride's family, but more often both families, will help pay for the wedding, or pay for all of it. Now, couples are paying for the event on their own, because immediate families have bills of their own, and can't take on the added burden. This then gets passed to extended families and friends with requests for money to help fund the wedding. From the article,

"the greed associated with weddings today is incredible. And the bridal industry, in recommending all these expensive things, is full of little hints about how to beg for others to help finance it, which is a revolting idea."

So, you can't afford what is expected, and it's your Big Day, and you're terrified that you'll be in debt for years and be miserable because of what you're going through to put on this one day. Brides get horribly stressed. Jeannette and I have been able to handle things pretty well. We're very lucky to know the owner of a restaurant who is providing catering. The reception will be very expensive, but we want to throw a fun party for our family and friends.

Houses keep you from getting bored

Jeannette and I are now in debt to our eye balls, but in exchange for the debt, we get to live in a condo/townhome thing. Moving in was a piece of cake, but here are the surprises which popped up in the few weeks here:

1. The first day, I was stuffing things under the kitchen sink, and the drain pipe popped off. Lesson learned; Don't bump pipes, and it's pretty easy to fix, once you learn which O ring goes where.
2. The toilet in the main bathroom was a little funny. You had to hold the handle down to get it to flush. So I popped open the lid, and the flapper was all white and spongy. Just as a note, it used to be rubber and red. Menards had a sale on toilet repair kits, so that was a piece of cake. Lesson learned; Don't put up with finicky toilets, it's easier to just fix them.
3. Again in the kitchen, the sprayer in the sink dribbled, rather then sprayed. So, I bought a replacement sprayer. Jeannette was off getting presents, so I had time to monkey with the sink. I crawl under there, and start to undo the nuts holding the faucet to the sink, and the bolt just falls off. I take off the other nut, and remove the faucet which had turned into a pile of rust in 25 years. So I run to Menards again to seek out a replacement faucet, and find a clearance set, with sprayer for $25. During the replacement process, I kept hooking up the hoses to the lines, and forgetting other parts which needed to be assembled. I took apart and reassembled the faucet about four times before getting it right. The good part, everything worked, and I didn't get soaked. Lesson learned; simple projects are rarely as simple as they seem.
4. Last night, I hear Jeannette shout up from the basement, "Bjorn, come here quick!" I thought one of the cats had changed the color of its fur by how loud she was. It had nothing to do with a cat, but a skunk. There was a baby skunk stuck in our window well. So, I took off the bit of wood fencing in place to keep critters out and I stuck a board to be used as a ramp to get out. I dropped cheese down there to entice the skunk, and put more cheese on the board, and left it alone. I checked on it until night, and it didn't move, but ate the cheese which hit the rocks on the bottom. So, I was left with a board with two slices of cheese on it and a skunk in a hole this morning. I tried calling animal control just across the tracks, and they were closed at 7 at night. I wasn't looking forward to trying to get a hold of them in the morning to make an appointment to get rid of the skunk. So, as we were getting ready this morning, I grabbed a length of networking cable, and a broom handle and made one of those fancy cinching pole things they use on those ASPCA shows. Well, it worked. The skunk looked miserable getting hauled out of the well, but when I let it go in the yard, it ran under the deck, and looked OK. It was walking alright. A few minutes later, and we saw it playing with a pine cone. So, we didn't have to bother animal control, and we weren't even late to work. Lesson learned; Reality TV shows can teach you something. That, and skunks are adorable.

Gift Registry Heaven and Hell

Here are my priorities for gift giving for our wedding:
1. Give a gift to your favorite charity in the wedding couple's names.
2. Cash
3. A dozen crock pots.

In the Midwest, giving cash is like telling someone you don't care enough to really shop for them. Out east, it's much more common to get cash as a wedding gift.

So, to prevent number three from happening, we've created two gift registries, one at Target, and the other at Bed Bath and Beyond.

Let's start with the good. With Target, I created the registry online, added a couple of items, and later, when we were at a store, added more stuff. It's a simple process. You go to a terminal, log in, print a welcome sheet, get it scanned, and you get your scanner, in full color, loaded up with all of the items in your registry. You can go forward and back to modify quantities and delete items, right from the scanner. At Target, we were never asked once if we "worked there." We wandered the isles, picking some things we'd like. When we were done, we had about 40 things chosen, some expensive, others were pretty cheap, but all things we could use.

Then, we went to Bed Bath and Beyond. This store was nearly dead, and the only people we saw, aside from a handful of wanderers, were people either creating a registry, or buying things from a registry. It's as if the whole focus of the store is registries. They do have a price guarantee, but still, everything seemed over priced. This is the first time we had been to Bed Bath and Beyond since they redid their store. What did they change? They created a special gift registry section located in fine china. When you create a registry, you're assisted through the registration process. You're offered a bottle of water or candy, which is nice considering that you'll be bringing in a ton of business for them.

How do you bring in all of their business? Well, we have most of everything we need, even if we are moving into a larger place. We'll add bit and pieces here and there. Without qualifying us at all, by asking questions, like, do you two live together now? Are you living in an apartment? Do you do any entertaining? We're told we need to purchase place settings for twelve people. Then we're walked around, told that "casual dinner ware" is crap, because there are more bubbles in the clay, and that "this" stuff in fine china, even if it isn't china, is much better, and will last much longer. Which may be true, but styles change all the time, and place settings change. It's not going to break my heart if I'm not eating off the same plate for 20 years. We don't have any interest in fine china. even if we're entertaining, I would much rather use one everyday set, rather then keeping some special dishes locked away to be used once or twice a year. I just don't dig it. Maybe I'm still worried about cabinet space, and don't want to tie up the extra space with dishes.

Next, we were shown the flatware, again, which changes styles, but the expensive stuff was just so fancy it'd last forever. With the flatware in fine china, they come in the huge sets, with every fork, spoon, clam cleaver, etc. you could ever need to dismantle any food on your plate. We're not picky about forks and knives. Even if we're entertaining, I don't think the character of our guests is such that we would be scoffed for our flatware.

In order to "get rid of" 2/3rds of the options in cookware, a manager is called over to sell us pots and pans. I have a really nice pasta pot, a sauce pot, and a skillet, which is all I can ask for for making pretty nice Italian dishes. He never asked what kind of food we usually cook, or how often, or what pieces we currently had together. The only pieces I could ask for would be a nicer wok, and a larger skillet with a top. I don't care if all of the pieces look alike, come from the same manufacturer, or are all stainless steel or all nonstick. Calphalon is a brand I've never paid any attention to. They have worked their way into being a required gift set for any wedding. An 8 set will run $299, 10 set $399, 12 set $499. Oh, but don't worry, your guests can buy pieces at a time, then you can come in and finish your set, and you get a special one day 10% completion discount.

One thing sticks out about these three areas we are shown personally by staff. They are all high markup items. The whole store is filled with items which have high profit margins. From bedding and towels, tooth brush holders, and cutting boards, I can imagine at least a 50% markup on most items. Sure, they have guaranteed prices, but much of what they sell is unique to their store. Their return policy sucks as well. Oh, let's say you bought a pot, and needed to return it. You'd get a credit back on your card. At Bed Bath and Beyond, if you receive a gift, you get a store credit. While this makes sense to protect the liability of the store, and maintain a high volume of sales, it stinks for the couple returning gifts. Why would you ever have to return something on a registry? Well, if you register at different places, your gifts will overlap, because no everyone has a Bed Bath and Beyond near them. There are only 100 stores nationwide. So, you put the same things on the Target registry, which means you may get two of what you wanted. You can get a check sent back, but the requirements are so high that it's much easier to just get a gift credit.

Now, that isn't to say that Target doesn't sell nearly exactly the same stuff, and have similar margins on cookware, and Dyson vacuums, but we felt better that we weren't pushed into adding fancy stuff we really didn't want or need.

We're still keeping the registry at both places. Knock yourself out and buy something from there if you feel like it, but our top two priorities are still donations to charities, followed by cash.

Bed Bath and Beyond registry number: 4576120
Target registry: http://www.target.com/gp/registry/registry.html/ref=cm_cw_sr_1/602-2049229-9524606?ie=UTF8&type=wedding&id=2J57N6TEOKYQU&jsebd=1

The shot, the lawsuit, and the mitochondria

We really take for granted our little powerhouses. However, mitochondria could be responsible for a million dollar lawsuit. The lawsuit however, was over vaccinations and autism. The controversy over thermisol was just starting to die down. The fear of vaccinations were dimming. Measles rates in England and the United States were receding. It seemed as if people were actually listening to scientific research and peer reviewed studies. Then, in March 2008, the U.S. government awarded the family of a nine year old girl compensation for the autism they claimed was caused by common child hood vaccinations. This was pure fuel for the anti-vaccination blogs. They had won victory. The government proved that they were right. They are finally admitting vaccinations cause autism.
Actually, it appears as if the vaccination didn't actually cause the autism. It merely aggravated an already existing mitochondrial disorder. This leads researchers to believe that autism could be a mitochondrial disorder. Which actually makes a lot of sense. Mitochondria are the body's energy source. So if something is wrong with them, autistic like symptoms are bound present themselves, such as lack of communication, and interest in social interaction.
However, mitochondrial disorders are rare, and little research has been done on the matter. It's very possible that the symptoms would have pervaded with or without the vaccinations. One possible explanation that has been given, is that it wasn't the vaccination at all, but the stress associated with getting a shot, that aggravated the disorder.
With so little research, nothing conclusive can be said. Maybe in the end it was the vaccinations all the long. One million dollars is a lot of money. You'd think the government would have to be pretty sure they were right, before they shelled out that chunk of cash. Or maybe there are other motives. Take for instance the fact that there are more than 5,000 cases of parents asking for compensation in the U.S. Is it possible that one huge win was their way of consolidating all the small cases? Its a bit suspicious that the reasons are being kept hush. Only time, and hopefully a lot more research on mitochondria will tell.

I wonder if......

For someone who has a blog on scienceblogs.com PZ Meyers spends a great deal of time bad mouthing the religious. Unless you can consider ridicule a scientific art. I was scrolling through his archive ( I tried reading the actual posts, but I've learned I just can't stomach them), and the majority of his "science" posts consist of talking about this whole "Expelled" affair and bad mouthing creationists. There were a couple of titles that I thought would be promising, but were filed under the "kooks" category, which is completely unnecessary. Granted there were a couple of good posts about his damn cephelpods, some about animals,a few more about reproductive rights, but everyone that I read was laced with negativity and cynicism. The comments don't provide anything promising either. It's his followers sitting around circle jerking about how great and wonderful they are for being such scientific atheists. Nothing new or worthwhile is ever added. The man's only name to fame is his snarky outlook on religion. PZ stated on friendlyatheist.com that his last words would probably be "I wonder if"..... Is he going to be reflecting about whether or not his blog would be half as popular if he stuck to science?

Update: I realize that this post seems incoherent. I did it in a rush during my lunch break. I will probably vent in post later on precisely why I don't like PZ Meyers, since by atheist friends seem so incredulous whenever I mention it.

Wedding Invites Coming Soon!

Of course, we may be have a new RSVP address by the time the cards are out.